I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

Adding insult to injury
Over the weekend, I bit my tongue taking a large chomp of some fluffy chinese pastry thing. It was a hard chomp and I really don’t know why I’ve to chew everything to smithereens (including stuff like porridge, jello, custard, tau huay) but I did and spent the next 10 minutes reeling from it. Two days later (AKA today) the sting from it still lingered, and I think it planned to grow into a full grown, mature, responsible ulcer like all the rest.

But today at dinner, I burnt that same part of my tongue on hot cheese. Ouch is an understatement. I don’t know if burning it on hot cheese will do anything, certainly not sterilise the area, so I’m prepared for the worst. I mean, if I feel like I can’t even feel my tongue without feeling pain, I should stay home and recuperate right?

Troy
Let’s start with the pros:

• Brad Pitt is hot in every conceivable way: when he’s in a skirt, when he’s in a skimpy sarong thing, when he’s in a toga, when he has girley hair, when he’s dirty and beaten, when he’s about to croak, and especially when he’s not wearing anything.
• Eric Bana is so cool, he makes the stupid mop of hair look inspiring.
• The fight scene between Archilles and Hector is right up there as one of my favourite all time fight scenes. I think it’s right up there with the Darth Maul sequence from Star Wars Episode 1. It made me feel the same anguish.
  • Eric Bana and Brad Pitt did the scene themselves, and so I’m doubly impressed. It was definitely the best part of the movie.
• The weather looked fantastic.
• Peter O’Toole makes anything sound good.
• Sean Bean is no Boromir here. His performance as Odysseus is remarkable, and he delivers his ikky lines inspiringly.
• Brad Pitt got the tempermental Archilles down pat.

Now lemme get to the cons:

• The script was dry and utilitarian, and completely inelegant.
  • I came home, and turned on the TV – The Sopranos was showing. And the first line was already better than any other in Troy.
    Harry Winston, baby! That thing’s got more carats than Bugs Bunny!
• The movie was edited the same way: choppy and abrupt.
• The movie was paced to display fights. Everything else around it seemed like just placeholders to tie the fight scenes together.
• The mammoth fight scenes are so last year.
• Brad Pitt’s delivery of his utilitarian lines was uninspiring and awkward
• The movie was “inspired” by the Illiad. Homer fans shouldn’t go there expecting to see what you read brought to life.

Verdict: 3 out of 5 stars.
I’d watch the movie – it’s still pretty entertaining, the boys can decide if Diane Kruger is indeed the face that launched a thousand ships.

Probably a good date movie, it being an epic and all, and the love-theme thingey (though if I was the date, I’d really be comparing my date’s ass to Brad Pitt’s, and almost anyone would fall short).

More Greek Mythology for the curious.