I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

The Umbrella Man and other stories
It rained, it poured, it was an absolute waterfall outside this afternoon. We braved the rain out at lunch, DP, CL, KT and I. We managed to find enough umbrellas for the each of us, I had my big fat reflector one.

After a strangely unsatisfying lunch (the western place was closed, and we ate at Supercheap Jappy which was quite crappy), headed back to the office gingerly. The rain was still beating down, and we scrambled to get into the back door of the office building.

So imagine this. We are walking in a row. Me first, the KT, the CL, and finally DP, past the car shelf, and into the small back door.

This is a simulation. Please don’t try this at home. But at the office is ok.

That’s me going through another door, different thing, same angle.

Anyway, KT is following closely behind, trying to scramble for shelter, and CL is holding the door open. I make it to shelter, then realise, crap. Something’s holding me back! Could it be… my umbrella? I turn around, but it’s too late.

Everything now is moving in slow motion. I tug lamely at the umbrella, as if it would help. I’m trying to find the spine, and am groping for the mechanism to retract the canopy, but where is it? I see a shadow behind me big fat reflector umbrella come closer, and closer, and closer, till finally, at the point of collision – *boink* – I see the shadow of KT bounce off the umbrella, and his legs taking a couple steps back.

As I whoop hysterically, I shut my fat umbrella. But it is too late. Mr T looks like he just got out of a pool. His face, hair, clothes are wet. And all I can do is laugh till my sides ache. He very calmly slicks his wet hair back, then proceeds to say something to me or another but all I can do is laugh.

CL had the reflexes to stop in time and not walk into KT.

DP said he had a great view of everything and it was a true Kodak moment.

I think it’s one of the funniest things that’s ever happened to someone else, because of me. But I’m glad to share the limelight – I’m not a plonker. I mean, I couldn’t have done it without KT. One day I’ll make him team leader.

The Ode to Tea
Sipping tea through a straw?
That’s what the straw is for!

So I dedicate that ode to my desk buddy, umbrella jam victim and the best hosting provider ever, Mr T(ea).