I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

The Umbrella Man and other stories
It rained, it poured, it was an absolute waterfall outside this afternoon. We braved the rain out at lunch, DP, CL, KT and I. We managed to find enough umbrellas for the each of us, I had my big fat reflector one.

After a strangely unsatisfying lunch (the western place was closed, and we ate at Supercheap Jappy which was quite crappy), headed back to the office gingerly. The rain was still beating down, and we scrambled to get into the back door of the office building.

So imagine this. We are walking in a row. Me first, the KT, the CL, and finally DP, past the car shelf, and into the small back door.

This is a simulation. Please don’t try this at home. But at the office is ok.

That’s me going through another door, different thing, same angle.

Anyway, KT is following closely behind, trying to scramble for shelter, and CL is holding the door open. I make it to shelter, then realise, crap. Something’s holding me back! Could it be… my umbrella? I turn around, but it’s too late.

Everything now is moving in slow motion. I tug lamely at the umbrella, as if it would help. I’m trying to find the spine, and am groping for the mechanism to retract the canopy, but where is it? I see a shadow behind me big fat reflector umbrella come closer, and closer, and closer, till finally, at the point of collision – *boink* – I see the shadow of KT bounce off the umbrella, and his legs taking a couple steps back.

As I whoop hysterically, I shut my fat umbrella. But it is too late. Mr T looks like he just got out of a pool. His face, hair, clothes are wet. And all I can do is laugh till my sides ache. He very calmly slicks his wet hair back, then proceeds to say something to me or another but all I can do is laugh.

CL had the reflexes to stop in time and not walk into KT.

DP said he had a great view of everything and it was a true Kodak moment.

I think it’s one of the funniest things that’s ever happened to someone else, because of me. But I’m glad to share the limelight – I’m not a plonker. I mean, I couldn’t have done it without KT. One day I’ll make him team leader.

The Ode to Tea
Sipping tea through a straw?
That’s what the straw is for!

So I dedicate that ode to my desk buddy, umbrella jam victim and the best hosting provider ever, Mr T(ea).

Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?
As a responsible member of society, once in a while I feel a need to contribute to the ongoing efforts of various ministries and statutory boards which play a crucial role in moulding Singaporeans into the cultured, refined people that First World country citizens ought to be.

So here is my contribution to society: a poster for the Ministry Of Environment.

Target audience: adults aged 24 – 40, slight male skew.

Bruce says: Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed When shit happens, you’ve got to Flush Hard. When it doesn’t go away, you need to Flush Harder. To completely blow it out of the water, you need to Flush Hard with a Vengence.

You know how your day is going to be, when
You schedule a meeting at 11am, and you wake up at the same time. So you dash up out of bed, SMS someone in the office so he can pass the message to the people you’re meeting that you’ll be late, and head for the shower.

On your way out of the house, you notice that there’s this little note stuck to your doorknob. Oh, apparently FedEx tried to deliver you a parcel at 11am. Which is when you woke up. So, you postulate, perhaps you were woken up by FedEx. If the postman always rings twice, how many times does the FedEx guy ring? Anyway, you hastily shove the note somewhere inside the house, and run off to work.

Seeing you’re so freaking late, you take a cab. After all, there’s no surcharge or CBD charge at 11.20am, right? So you hop into one of the cabs that’s lined up at the cab stand, and tell the driver to step on it. And he does, for about 400 metres, until he gets to the first traffic light. It turns red, he stops and a sinking feeling creeps over you.

There are 10 traffic lights from your place to the office, and you get stopped at nine of them. And you’re thinking, if each stop costs you 90 seconds, then you’ve wasted 810 seconds at the traffic light, which is 13.5 minutes.

So anyway. You finally get into the office, and lo and behold – the person you SMS-ed didn’t get the message. Right now you’re wondering, what else could go wrong?

So you reschedule the meeting (sorry Jona), and you check your emails and reply to the important ones, and head for a quick lunch.

You’re walking down the street, and the waiter at the new shop Bunz which specialises in wraps and buns says “Would you like to try my buns?”

That’s when you know, without a doubt, that your day is like any other, so the first thing you should do is head for cover.

In the all-Argentinian French Open Finals
Gaston Guadio the unseeded Argentinian beat his third seeded compatriot Guillermo Coria in a gruelling 5 set match to win 0-6, 3-6, 6-4, 6-1, 8-6. I’m happy Guadio won. Usually when I watch a tennis match and am rooting for someone in particular (mostly Michael Chang) I end up staying up all night to watch a 5 set defeat.

Anyway, I only rooted for Guadio since he seemed like the underdog. I’m glad he won, he’s more smiley.

I have this habit of putting things off
Even when it’s important.

I really should do something about it, maybe tomorrow.

I think usually it’s a function of how much I really want something. When I want that bar of chocolate or that pop tart, I usually do it immediately. But then when it comes to clearing my books, housekeeping, contacting this content partner and that, I figure I’d rather be flying a kite.

I suppose I don’t make a great project manager. Ah well. I’ll fix it later.