Every Vote Counts
28/04/2006
Doink!
I don’t know when it started, but I’ve been using a bunch of sound words to get by. I’m trying to recall if I’ve always been doing it, or if it’s something I do now as I lose bits of my vocabulary.
Instead of saying, I’m back at my desk, I’ve efficiently shortened it to doink!. I like doink immensely. It’s so doinky!
There are other sound words I use, but they’re a little hard to spell. Mostly denoting motion, or speed. Velocity, I guess, is hard to put across. The word itself is so passive, it sounds like a state of mind. But when you whoosh it, you get an idea how quick the thingey is moving, in my mind.
Thingey is also a convenient word. It’s a little more sophisticated than stuff, and don’t get me started with the people who presume that you should stick “s” behind stuff to make it sound like a whole lot of stuff. There are some things you can stick an “s” behind: like model, chicken, time, bigwig.
Words you can’t stick an “s” behind: stuff, staff.
Words you can’t stick “more” in front of: the ones that you’ll stick the “(e)r” behind. Like small, near, close, fast, slow.
Ok. Now we can move on to the next thing: web vocabulary. Will come in handy if you want a job in an internet company.
< rant >
Top 5 faux paus:
5. Online and cyber: don’t use this when you mean “relating to the internet” or “on the web” like Yeah, in my last job I was in charge of ‘online’ (or ‘cyber’). ATMs are ‘online’. When you log onto messenger you’re ‘online’. Some sex is ‘cyber’. Some space is ‘cyber’. Getting on the internet, doing business on the internet, being in charge of a web product, aren’t ‘online’ or ‘cyber’.
4. MSN, Yahoo! and Google: are company names, not products. Even though I’m sure Google is thrilled to bits when anyone says, I’ll ‘google’ this, the fact of the matter is, Google is essentially a one product company. So it makes sense. But do you really mean to say you’re ‘searching’ for something? Cos that’s a good word for it. Refrain from saying I’ll ‘MSN’ you later or ‘Yahoo!’ you later when you mean you’re going to get on whichever Messenger later, cos even though you only use 1 web product, MSN does offer other (albeit sucky) services. That term is completely lost on Yahoo!. What’re you going to do when you ‘Yahoo!’ me? Be rude and borish?
3. Upload/download: are specific actions. Don’t use it to mean reading your email, unless you’re really downloading your email from your email provider/server back to your local hard drive, it could really cause a lot of confusion if you need to get technical support. A simple ‘I’ll go check my email” will suffice, really. Don’t use ‘upload’ to mean sending email. That just sounds dumb.
2. Hits: are songs that have made it big. It’s also a really flaky web (not ‘online’, not ‘cyber’) statistical measure. According to wikipedia, in web analytics, a hit is any request for a file from a web server. It’s really crap because each page may generate a gazillion hits, depending on how many file requests someone has on the page. Hits lived out their purpose in 2000. If you now sell inventory on your website based on hits, you’re a lucky ducky. If you still buy inventory on sites based on hits, you shouldn’t be doing anything on the internet. If you’re trying to land a job in a web company, you better not even breathe the word “hit” unless the suffix to it is “song” or “single”.
1. Yahoo! page: there are a gazillion Yahoo! pages, tons of Yahoo! sites, a truckload of Yahoo! products. Saying Yahoo! page is as good as not saying anything at all, since being that vague will cause someone to doubt you actually do use the internet and therefore will not know when it’s not really a ‘Yahoo! page’ but some page/site you found off Yahoo! Search. Your alternatives? Yahoo! Home (or Front) page, Yahoo! Search Page, Yahoo! Mail, Yahoo! < insert product name here, thats the thing on the top left of the page in gray font, after the red Yahoo! logo >.
< /rant >
This is how I know I’m getting old and jaded. I’m cranky, I’m irritable and I sound like my dad.
Will end it with the best line I’ve heard today – Nick from Season 1 of the Apprentice (on his teammate Erica)
~ She’s trying to tell me how to sell? It’s like trying to tell the Pope how to pray!
