I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

There aren’t too many Asia-to-Hollywood cover movies, and even fewer I know of or have seen. I skipped out on The Lake House, The Ring was rubbish, I don’t like westerns as much as my dad so I wasn’t a big fan of The Magnificent Seven.

Thus, I was kind of looking forward to The Departed, the Hollywood remake of Infernal Affairs.

Oh by the way, I hate the American Infernal Affairs trailer. First of all, Chan Wing Yan (Tony Leung) and Lau Kin Ming (Andy Lau) weren’t friends. They also spliced in totally overly complicated, unnecessary footage. It’s almost as if they wanted to make the movie out to be something it wasn’t.

Well, after watching the trailer for The Departed again, I don’t think it’s really going to blow my socks off. After all, all the cultural references and social commentary would be lost. And I don’t feel the same about the Chicago/Boston Mob. And although they tried to keep the scenes similar, I don’t think they really got the entirety of the Hong Kong version of the film. Infernal Affairs was deliberately prettified gritty, subtle in its way. I can’t imagine a subtle Hollywood film. They always have to overdo it.

I think it’s fair to say the tastes of the country – with regard to life, including movies – is largely represented by their food. Quantity, tastes, presentation, the whole hog sandwich (as opposed to chicken slivers in noodles).

I guess casting would be tough too, but really. It didn’t translate well.

• Leonardo Dicaprio plays Tony Leung’s Chan Wing Yan. That’s messed up. Should have used Matt Damon
• Matt Damon plays Andy Lau’s Lau Kin Ming. Wrong. Should have used Mark Wahlberg.
• Martin Sheen plays Anthony Wong’s character or something. A little distant in my view. Could have done better with Billy Crystal (ha ha) or Kevin Bacon.
• Jack Nicholson plays Eric Tsang’s mob boss. A little too much larger than life going on there. Maybe Robert De Niro.

I guess it’s a little unfair to subject The Departed to such close comparison. But Infernal Affairs was a really really good movie.

I hope they don’t try to do Infernal Affairs 2 and 3. It will be a little tough trying to get Jack Nicholson and Martin Sheen to look younger.