Fatigue
21/12/2006
In sooth, I know not why I am so sad.
It worries me, you say it worries you
Yet how I caught it, found it, or came by it
What stuff ’tis made of, I am to learn.
And what a want wit sadness makes of me
that I have much ado to know myself
Caught Confession of Pain starring Tony Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro today, but was a little disappointed. I wish they didn’t dub Tony Leung, it’s so nice hearing him speak Cantonese like the native Cantonese speaker he is.
I’m not a native anything speaker – apparently I’m not qualified to be a native English speaker, I would suppose technically I would be a native Mandarin speaker if I could speak it properly. The same goes for my mother tongue. It’s a good reason to speak less.
My father was a programmer. He worked on software and designed systems for more than 30 years. Since I could remember, he would tell my brother and I about his job. At first I had no idea what he was talking about. Later I just stoned out, since it sounded like the same thing, different sentence. Finally in the last ten years he was mostly just griping about the workplace.
He spent almost 30 years at some large petrochemical company, and the last 6 years of his career just going to the office. He agonised about spending his time at the office instead of doing what he liked, but gritted his teeth and bore with it to prove a point. Looking back it’s probably pretty darn funny, but those 6 years for him were probably the worst of his life.
Despite programming code, and working in front of the computer – various forms in fact – for decades, my father still types with only 2 fingers. It not only is a slow process, it’s painful watching him type. Watching him reply to email takes nerves of steel.
And I suppose the fact of the matter is: just because you’ve done something for a really long time, it doesn’t mean you’re good at it.
I don’t have the nerves of someone who’d stick it out for years to make a point. Most of the time, I miss the point. So I guess my point is, I need to seek change. And so in 2007, I will change my life. I will clear out my closet and organise my life.
