reflect
02/02/2007
Someone said something that stopped me in my tracks the other day. It happened while we were rafting.
I teamed up with Eh Don, Eeevahn, Mozz and KF and the whole time I kept pushing them to catch up with the rest. “Come on! Let’s over-take them! Let’s catch up! I want to be ahead!”.
The guys gamely acceded to my crazy requests. We worked together nicely, and managed to catch up. Finally, we got to a bit where we couldn’t overtake them, and I made my disappointment evident. We were so close.
And then Eh Don said, “What’s wrong with second place?”
That sentence has bugged me for the past week.
Suddenly I start to wonder if I’m acting my usual crazy again. He was right – there was nothing wrong with second place. I’d tell anyone that. But if so, why don’t I want to be second place? Why can’t I be content with second place?
Am I being difficult? Is this why I’m discontent? Do I make things difficult for everyone else? Do I torment KF with my crazy incessant urge to be ahead?
I don’t know. I’m still processing that, but knowing me and my crazy obsession to be first, I’ll probably rationalise it as me being right and everyone else being wrong and continue on my merry way until someone snaps, goes psycho on me and smacks me with a mouse.
An electronic one. Not the squishy gross kind.
