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Mr Sandman,

Bring me a dream.

Make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen

Give a face like that Daniel Henney,

Would be nice if he had lots of money!

After being stuck in the late 80s – early 90s time warp for what seemed like pretty much forever, I finally found a band with my sort of tunes which is, wooo brace yourself, contemporary.

It also doesn’t hurt that the lead singer looks like Christian Bale (though it’s not a toss-up, I’d take a grouchy Brit Batman over a younger boy who sings in a fake falsetto any day).

Yay for me. Now I can listen to the Radio Ga-ga again.

Years ago they called this romantic and sweet and devoted and smitten.

Now they call them stalkers.

I still love this song.

His small eyes and close to perfect face notwithstanding, I’m completely unimpressed with Mr Chou. Legions of fans, headed by Lilmurmurs, are probably going to stone me to death when I get back to Asia. However, duty-bound to expose the fraud that is Jay Chou , I must speak the truth. And we all know, the truth hurts like hell.

Jay Chou is a Kentang¹ with a capital K. K-E-N-T-A-N-G.

He sounds normal enough in interviews, but listening to random songs of his (here, here and especially here) for research, I verified my suspicions. Come on, isn’t it bad enough Brit bands put on their best American when they sing, now them Taiwanese dudes Americanise Mandarin in music?

Dude! When I speak Mandarin that way, I get laughed all the way to Hong Lim Food Centre. The dude, in normal circumstances, sounds like this. WTF! He speaks Mandarin (ok, Taiwanrin) with the fluency of a native speaker, though if you define the way the language should sound based on country of origin, then Taiwanese Mandarin is the Mandarin equivalent of American, while Mainland Mandarin would equate to British English.

Tell me the dude is not a fraud.

Yes, we should give the dude props for writing his own music. That was probably why his songs sounded so familiar to me. Hear one, hear them all. Kinda like Coldplay. Woo! I’ve officially offended every (physical and mental) teenybopper on earth.

Lest it be said I’m a musical dinosaur who doesn’t listen to anything other than 80s Britpop, explain my fascination with Lee Hom. He is, a song in my heart. I’d swoon over him too, but since he doesn’t have the requisite accent, small eyes and angular facial structure, we’re doomed to just have an intellectual (one-sided – yup my side, and mostly imaginary) relationship.

On the side:
Who knew in Chou’s legions of smitten teenyboppers, some of them wield the power that is Wikipedia? Yet, if you look under References #10 on the same page, it would seem like there is balance in the world – and my faith in mankind is restored temporarily HAHAHA. I’d claim responsibility if I did it, but no, it wasn’t me nor my itchy fingers.

[1]: kentang /k?n-tahng, Èk«ntAN/ n. & a. [Mal., in full ubi kentang potato (Solanum tuberosum) (Wilkinson)] Also kantang. A n. A Caucasian, a white person. See also Ang Moh, Mat Salleh. B a. Of a non-Caucasian: behaving or speaking like a Caucasian or a white person; westernized.

Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it, with a note saying “I love you” – and baby I meant it.

Now I know what a fool I’ve been, but if you kiss me now, I know you’d fool me again.

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We caught a couple of movies in the last two days. The joys of living next to the cinema.

First up – Ocean’s Thirteen: better than Twelve, but I liked Eleven better. The whole caper flick thing is a little overdone.

Seconds – Pirates 3 At Worlds’ End: lots of fun. Am a little bummed that Chow Yun Fatt’s role was a little miserable and in my view trivial, but the movie on the whole was exactly what movies should be – entertaining.

I’d suggest watching to the very end of the credits for special extra scenes for both movies, although you’d probably do better not believing any of those special scene tidbits I dish.

My dad went through his full blown audiophile phase in the early eighties, when I guess he could afford a little indulgence. I’d wake up on weekend mornings to a variety of music, depending on his mood – anything from Pavoratti to South Pacific to ABBA – blaring from downstairs.

When I got downstairs, the windows and the sliding door would be open, my dad would either be in the garden trimming his bouganvillea or if I was late, he’d already be taking his break – leaning back on his canvas director’s chair, eyes closed, feet on a coffee table, facing his speakers.

As I grew a little older, I got to put the vinyls onto the record player and set the needle to play. Soon after I got to pick what I wanted to listen to, and on weekdays when he was out working (and after I learnt not to randomly set the knobs all the way up) I got to listen to what I wanted on my own. By then we’d moved on to CDs and it was easier.

All that just to tell you that after so many years, I’m still amazed at the stuff Billy Joel writes. The earlier stuff, not the whole River of Dreams, We Didn’t Start the Fire rubbish. And that I wish I wrote like Billy Joel.

And that the other day I thought I saw Neil Gaiman on the overhead bridge connecting People’s Park to Chinatown Point. But it wasn’t.

Tonight on American Idol – Bee Gees night. Barry Gibb is the guest mentor, and they’re singing his songs.

It’s soooooooooo wrong.

These kids weren’t even born when the Bee Gees sang some of these songs. More importantly, they’re completely missing the point. I’ve not heard a commercial remake of ANY Bee Gees’s cover done right, let alone better than the original.

Too Much Love, Emotions, How Deep is Your Love – they’re all lovely songs. But you can’t have a boy band sing it their lame teenybopper-loveydovey-bubblegumpop-rosesandcream way. When the Bee Gees perform, you feel their conviction in every word. Sure, Take That had a really sugary version of How Deep Is Your Love. It was missing so much personality they had to make it up with the video. L-A-M-E. Even the engineering trio at the office – Eh Don + Eevahn + Ah Leong could do a better version.

Actually, if those three will record themselves singing an entire Bee Gees song (no lip synching!) and stick it on Big Why Video or Youtube, I’ll give them S$50 each. How guys? On? Extra $10 in it for each of you if I pick the song.

Other than that, no one else should attempt any other Bee Gees cover, really, tempting as it may seem. It’s just not respectful.

One of my favourite bands. Everyone knows Song for Whoever, which was about a songwriter who dates women to write songs about them.

You know it. It’s the one that goes

Oh Cathy, oh Alison.
Oh Philippa, oh Sue.
You made me so much money
I wrote this song for you.
I wrote this song for you…

Jennifer Alison Philippa Sue,
Deborah, Annabel too

Anyway. They’ve been playing the beginning part of this next song in the trailer for the season finale of the Jessica Hsuan + Adrian Pang sitcom. It’s about a guy trying to get back with his girlfriend, alternating between taking advice from others, and laying out silly threats. Completely hilarious.

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I’m not a big fan of Tom Cochrane, but this is how the song is supposed to sound like.

That version by Rascal Flatts is a little too wannabe for me.