I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

I’m so tired. It’s been a really tough, trying year and even as it draws to a close I don’t feel like it’s getting any easier.

It’s getting to a point where nothing really works like it should anymore. Most of the time things are out of my control, and in the middle lies the one impervious truth of life: you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t.

I guess just like lopping 8 inches of hair off, at some point you just need to shed the deadweight in your life. As a kid I used to be petrified at change. Even though I hated primary school I dreaded moving onto secondary school even more, mostly because of the largely unfamiliar territory and language. And the whole making-friends routine.

It didn’t get easier as I got older as much as it got more rewarding. Moving onto JC was a light affair – having boys in the school really helped. And since I didn’t really do anything much in JC, heading to college was relatively easy. No drastic changes there.

My first two jobs were really easy to leave. I hated the first one the most and the second was a close second. Nothing against the people I worked with, and I learnt invaluable lessons in each. But I was ill-suited for the first one and I was discontent in the second.

But nonetheless change came about quite easily.

One of the most important things I think everyone should know – besides the overused management mantra about the only true constant in life is change – is that everything boils down to an equation for equilibrium. Demand and supply sums up most instances, the balance of power, pros and cons.

When we get from something as much as we put into something, there is equilibrium. And when one party feels that the equation isn’t equitable anymore, things change. Sounds rudimentary, and I guess it is. But it’s amazing how wide this concept is: it works with relationships – we’re more forgiving to people who are nicer; with jobs – we quit when we’re overworked and underpaid; with cost and benefit; you name it.

I will now go to bed. Because I derive less joy from mindless writing than I will from dreaming slumber. And perhaps the hope that Wentworth Miller will star in my next dream.

We just interviewed another candidate today. This time I was lukewarm about the candidate. Spoke better than the previous one (I’m completely superficial, I’ll admit it) but the dud was that he candidly told us he knew nothing about that product we were hiring him for, and doesn’t use it.

Great. You can get away saying it if the job description didn’t state it and it’s your first interview. But barely. I expect anyone I interview to have used some if not all our products. If you don’t, please apply elsewhere.

The other thing is: if you apply for an internet job, please please please be at least interested in the internet. It’s fun, it’s fascinating, and there are things that we build for you that extends outside of work. Telling me you do mind-numbing things on the weekends and free time just to get away might sound great for any other company or industry, but not the internet. We’re always open. Always online. 24/7 365. If you can’t handle it, apply somewhere else.

Anyway. This is a really fantastic read. Guy Kawasaki’s entry on Everything You Wanted to Know About Getting a Job in Silicon Valley But Didn’t Know Who to Ask. Pearls of wisdom, for a job in the internet industry.

Bemoan, lament, eulogise.

The lack of passion in the world.

All these boy bands singing their boy band songs, or worse, covering previously perfect songs, with the mechanical precision of a faker.

I sigh. At how things have come to pass. Is this enough? Is just pretending to feel a little something enough?

We interviewed someone again today. Same thing, different angle. Is it too much to ask for, this genuine enthusiasm thingey? Really?

This is not to say smart, perceptive people are lining the streets. After all, the perfect candidate is as much a fallacy as the perfect husband or wife. But if you’re looking for a job in a serious company, of course to get pass the first interview you need to demonstrate a little more than a brain, that means doing your homework, trying the products or services and doing some research on the company.

The dealmaker though, the thing that sets one candidate apart from another – is usually the attitude. Fitting in is so important that I’d choose someone less experienced if that someone was more Y-factored than the more experienced person. Fitting in in my organisation really means being as passionate and driven as everyone else. I’m not a big fan of the half-hearted wannabe. I’m even less forgiving to the person who’s trying to just get a foot in the door to move on to another role.

Well enough about that. It’s boring enough.

On to more exciting updates: I’m onto my – lemme count, My Lovely Sam Soon, My 19-year-old Sister-in-law, Fashion 70s, Lawyers, Hotelier, Lovers in Paris, (Full House again, there’s also Jewel In the Palace waiting to be watched, but I can’t be bothered), and now Princess Lulu and My Girl – 8th Korean serial, but besides asking Paul Ssi if he’s eaten, if he’s ok, and if he wants to go to lunch (and some random mean words), I can’t speak very much Korean. Which is disappointing. I can understand a little more of what’s going on in the shows, but not more than 30%. A little slow for my liking, but I haven’t really dedicated much time into my linguistic pursuits. Lazy butt.

I’ll work on a couple of reviews and synopsis in a bit.

So don’t become some background noise
A backdrop for the girls and boys
Who just don’t know or just don’t care
And just complain when you’re not there
You had your time, you had the power
You’ve yet to have your finest hour

Someone still loves you

Detox Attempt: Day 3
Was lame. Made tuna sandwiches, but got hungry again by 3pm. Went and broke detox at 4pm at Happy Union. Less grouchy, but had tea.

Detox attempt: Day 4
Did not detox. Friday is rest day

In the last six years, I’ve had four bosses leave. I was beginning to wonder if it was me. But I’m blaming it on Scratchy instead. Scratchy gives people the most grief.

I’m more than a little surprised that we managed to bond with Larry, afterall it was a rocky start. But at the end of the day, everything changes and what’s important is that we had a great time while it lasted. I’m glad how things turned out. And that’s why you should always start out not liking people. That way, you only enjoy it more when they turn out ok. I think we’ve benefitted from his stint, professionally. Processes are in place, we consider a myriad of factors before we make a decision. We’re moving in a direction that makes sense. We’re part of the decision-making process. We still love what we do. We’ve grown. So thanks, Larry. Thanks heaps.

It’s rolling up to August now and I’m left wondering where the time went. Really. Where did my year go?

Later this week, yet another head of my department will be leaving. I am starting to hope it’s not me.

Last night we had our farewell party at Scratchy’s, and Mrs Paul made a smashing kim bap. I loves it. I brought the leftovers home and I can’t stop eating it.

We went to Funan today and got a few more fans. Now we can stay cool.

I need to get more Kiwifruit, we’re fresh out.

Tomorrow I’m going to get my new notebook at work. Yay.

How’s your August looking?

I had a really long day. My new phone *tee hee hee* is now my new alarm clock and I’ve gotta say it is effective. I woke up at 7.15am today. I don’t know what came over me. Stupidity mostly.

I managed to take the 8am bus from the bus stop downstairs and got to the office before 8.30am. I even had time to make a stop for breakfast.

I will attempt this feat again tomorrow.

Generally, I feel fatigued. Things are going on in the office at the usual breakneck pace. I feel neither sorry nor sympathetic for the NP in the office. Introducing, a brand new character, the Nutty Person. I bet there’s one in every office, more in a stat board. You know the NP. The one that just doesn’t fit in, either because of the things they say, or the weirdass giggling after every sentence or point made or the talking to him or herself.

Then there are loose cannons. Firing to the left of you, firing to the right of you, firing for the heck of firing, I’m not sure at what. It’s chaotic! And you find yourself developing the reflexes to duck. It’s creepy what a little conditioning can do (and I don’t mean for your hair).

Anyway. I’ve to stop griping at some point, and there’s no time like the present. After all, KF is going to put a couple of songs into my new and neato phone. Loves it! Just wait till I fix it to email to flickr. Yay!

KF found a sneaky phrase today
Sneaky phrases are just that – sneaky phrases. They’re not your run-of-the-mill, straight tootin, hip-shooting descriptions. No.

Sneaky phrases are like the ingratiating kinda people – they sound normal, not bombastic, not too complicated, but their sum is meant to be more than their parts. Most times, in a sickening, obsequious way.

So today’s sneaky phrase of the day is over and above and it’s clone, above and beyond. At first, it sounds innocuous enough. But then when you deconstruct it, it’s superfluous. So it’s an exaggeration to begin with. What’s sneaky about it is that it’s a mild exaggeration, simply just over & beyond. It’s sneaky because it’s one of those falsely modest type of exaggerations, which is in my books, kinda the worst kind.

It’s worse than something blatantly base as low hanging fruit.

I didn’t really find over and above AKA above and beyondthat offensive until I heard it in use – when someone described how it would do something for someone else over and above their regular duties as a favour. Maybe my view of over and above is tainted by that, because to me, it was really no value added, it was just a bunch of hot air. But that the person whipped out the whole over and above song and dance made me think about the phrase as a whole, and I grew to loathe it.

And today, KF reminded me of it. He hates it too. We have so much in common

So it’s official. Over and above and above and beyond is now on my sneakiest phrase list, and it’s right on top.

Don’t say it to me. Don’t even breath it near me. Unless you’re looking for trouble.

Thanks!

Man, the week was really a lot longer than I expected
Like the fly that wouldn’t buzz off, issues that were brought up repeatedly during training kept bugging us all week, making it a lot longer than it had to be.

Add to that a whole heap of stuff happening at the same time, it really made my days long and my rest abrupt. My ear infection recurred a week back, and I’m not sure if it was a harbinger of things to come, but now I’ve caught the flu that was going around the office.

We can sum everything here to two words: bad week.

The highlight of the week has to be the engineer’s video. It turned out really well, and I suppose far better than Donnie expected. Well done on him and the team, it was hilarious, and a welcome break from the humdrum of the usual department updates. Go Engineers!

Home Alone 2
This weekend will be all about staying home after I spent the whole of last weekend at the PC Fair. The Dell we ordered for me will be delivered on Saturday (yay, later today!) and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. The desktop I’m currently using, though trusty, has rapidly descended into the depths of PC dementia. It’s due for a lobotomy, which Dr Chang will likely perform after I decommission it. We just need to find a new place for it, because it’s taking up space on my desk top.

Guess it’s going to be another dvd weekend for us.

Another busy week
We were holed up the whole of today and will be again tomorrow in the name of change and processes and all things good to the organisation. Hee!

It is a fairly unpopular opinion of mine that people seldom change. The person you are now, is essentially the person you were since you were fourteen (give and take a few years to account for the late and early cognizants). I think situations change, and you figure out new ways or new agendas or new priorities which change your views on things, and sometimes how you react to it. But you are who you are.

And even though change is a very pervasive little sucker, lurking in the corners of your life you don’t want it to disrupt, it never seems to rear it’s ugly little head in a group classroom situation. What I walked out of my all-day training today, my offsite trainings from before, is that there’ll always be some smartass who just will NOT shut up for the sake of the participation points (perceived or real), the leech who’ll paraphrase someone else – fellow participant or tutor – either to score points or to ingratiate themselves in some way, and the dumb ass who’ll attempt to answer a questions neither directed to them nor related to them, just to chime in with useless buzzwords, acronyms or concepts.

Why – that’s the million dollar question. How I deal with it – is the exact same way I dealt with it all those years back at Uni. I decided to zone out. Yes, immature I know, and I admit. But I got a lot of thinking down during that “down time”.

Like for example, I think we could start a Movie Win, Lose or Draw night once a week at the office. We already do it kinda ad hoc, but we should involve the whole office, and set up teams. That’d be fun.

I also kinda thought about the S3 IS that netjackal finally got, that show off. I also thought about the 350D. I didn’t get very far on that one, I’m still kinda mulling over them. I also found some time to think about that Dell that’s got my name on it, and where I’m going to put the desktop when it arrives. I need the table real estate, so I need to find somewhere for it. Dad’s room seems like a real possibility, since KF is going to mess around with it.

I also found some time to think about what veggies I want for my salad tonight, I really like the romaine lettuce, cherry tomato and corn combination, although because of where I was I ended up with something like purple scrunchy lettuce, more cherry tomatoes and (this is the winner, right here) japanese zucchini! Woo hoo! Can’t wait for my pseudo-japanese salad – which will happen right after Grey’s Anatomy ends.

So that’s my Monday. Hope yours went better.

It’s been a long two weeks
We hit the ground running – and haven’t had a chance to stop since we got back from vacation.

Some days it feels terrible, and I run over to the engineers and try to hide. Some days I don’t want to get to work.

This week was mostly show and tell week for me, while juggling a close-to-fruition project. That’s always tough, spending time working on data and slides and not on production. Of course, some people are better at that than others, which leads me to feel more despondant, almost as if the era of the individual achiever is over, and all we should be doing, is pushing buttons.

I’m tired just thinking about it.

This weekend I’m going to spend some time just being good to myself. I’m going to sleep in late, have ice cream, prepare a masque, maybe give myself a pedicure, and condition my hair. And dream about that S3 IS I really want, and will get later this year. Hee.