Today I caught a friend online, and he asked me if I’m happier these days. I think he asked that because months ago he asked if I was happy and I said no. And I guess perhaps he’s taking it like alchoholism, after you fall into unhappiness and decide to do something about it, you take it a day at a time.

I used to think happiness was a definite state: you either are or you’re not. If you’re laughing all the time, smiling with not a care in the world, that’s it. When you don’t have to go to work for a few days and are lying on a beach somewhere doing absolutely nothing, that’s it. If you get what you want when you want it, that’s it.

But is it?

Is happiness doing what makes me happy all the time? Is happiness contingent on someone else? Is it something bestowed upon? I’ve no clue. How did I go around chasing something so badly defined? Is it even something you can go after like a turkey for dinner?

Am I happy though? Perhaps. If happiness is a scale, I would suppose I am happier than I was a year ago. The presence of a possible long term goal, however vaguely defined, is quite motivating. The only thing that’s clear to me for now is that perhaps looking at happiness as an absolute term is unrealistic. Life, on the whole, is pretty imperfect, unbalanced in a sense. Therefore to expect absolutes in a concept such as happiness was a legacy from childhood when the world was more white and black.

So am I happy? I am happier. But it’s not like some kind of body fat measurement where you can say, if you past a certain percentage, you’re obese. Am I happy on the whole? That’s more a frame of mind issue, and I think I am inherently positive enough to be happy on the whole. I am somewhat content. There is lots to be glad for, taking everything around me into account, so there is little reason to be unhappy. Unfortunately the lack of unhappiness is not the definition, really, of happiness. So I guess I am somewhat happy.

Too bad it takes a ton of internal monologue and a lame soliloquy to answer it. IM conversations are over in a flash. Perhaps I can answer the question better next time.

I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.

catbus & hyacinth

The nice thing about living someplace with proper seasons is the variety of plants and flowers that are available. I’m sorry, but tropical plants and flowers are a little too exotic for me.

Last fall, I went a little nuts with the bulb planting. I bought tulips and hyacinths, and if I wasn’t stopped I would’ve also bought a bunch of grape hyacinths, daffodils and snowdrops too. They’re so cute, but I’ve really run out of space. Yeah, there’s a lot of space in the backyard, but the ground isn’t really right for the bulbs. Also, I wanted them in containers, but I underestimated the number of containers I needed. Anyway. Next year, I’m definitely doing the grape hyacinths, they are so cute. Am thinking of planting them in white pebble chips in a round glass dish. They should be small enough to support themselves upright with little medium. Apparently they multiply, so I should be able to get away with just one order.

Anyway, my hyacinths are doing well, and I moved one up to my room, where it’s flowering nicely, and giving off a light fragrance. Before it bloomed I had no idea it would be blue, because I bought a mixed-colour bag, but the blue is going well with the pot I put it in. The others that I put in nice pots turned out pink. I also had some in planters, but they took a little longer to mature. I think they like slightly more waterlogged gravel-like conditions. Also, I might have packed a few too many bulbs in those planters, so there are crocuses, tulips and hyacinths competing for space in a little 8″ round container, not very pretty.

The tulips are also coming along nicely, a little cramped, but I will be cutting them, so there shouldn’t be problems there. Hopefully KF will continue to water my plants while I’m away, so I can come back, divide them and store them for next year.

Looks like my 2009 bulb season is getting off to a great start. I can’t wait to start  planting the spring vegetables and flowers for fall. Yay for seasons!

Lest other wives attribute this fabulous idea to me, I’d just like to point out I got KF involved in the process – had him do the comparisons after I came up with an initial list, and let him make the final decision (all the while maintaining executive power to veto anything I wasn’t happy with).

And so, last night I ordered my netbook. Nothing crazy – it is going to be a netbook, not a Macbook (which I still maintain is the most hideous product Apple has come up with, ever). The difference in those two consonants and lone vowel works out to about $1k, so the choice was pretty easy for me. And even though Mr C so generously ok-ed the Macbook, I just couldn’t get past the black border and keyboard against the aluminium rest-of-it. That’s so 70s, even the stuff in the 70s would blush at it.

Anyway. My MSi Wind U100 something-something should be here next week. I should be all set for my trip home. Yay!

In other news, if your brother starts telling you to think about having kids, does that mean the family thinks you’re getting old?

In any case. I’m going to the corner to sulk. Later.

<rant>
I know I’ve not the most healthy regard for marriage, so this probably won’t sit well. But I think women should find better things to do with their time than take on their husbands’ surnames.

This would save them a lot of hassle at the Social Security office, the Passport office, the DMV (among other administrative offices). And this way, I don’t have to look at those double-whammy-hyphenated-surnames and roll my eyes.

Asian surnames are the absolute worst for that. Asians traditionally don’t take their husbands’ surnames either, but I’ve to say, there are some pretty resolute little folk who can live through indignities like Annabel Wang-Chung* or Belinda Tan-Toh* or (gulp) Hwang-Lee Poh Yee*.

And just when you think you’ve got the order right – ie: maiden name first followed by husband’s surname, noooo…. someone will go and change the damn order just so it sounds better. Like, dude. Totally. Uncool.

If you’ve really gotta do it, just go ahead and run the whole nine yards, right? Change it from Christina Fong* to Christina McGregor*. Yeah, you might not look like a McGregor, but it says so much less than Christina Fong McGregor* and sometimes less is really more. It’s not a case where you can hope to have your cake and eat it too.

Names are sometimes pretty important – I’m convinced most Daniels are pretty hawt and Walters are not – but surnames are social indicators more than anything. The subtle name-dropping-social-climbing is unbecoming. We’re better than that! We’re educated (and well at that), cosmopolitan, upwardly mobile, financially independant women of the information age. Surely we’re better than that.

* Names have been made up to protect the innocent – namely me.
</rant>

Well, I took the bus to Chinatown today, and it was pretty fun. The ride took about 45 minutes, and then it was about a 15 minute walk up Grant to get to the store.

Long bus rides are fun. Long bus rides in foreign countries are even funner.

Along the way, you inevitably think about things, and today I was thinking about the amount of taxes I’ll have to pay when I join the ranks of the gainfully employed, and about the cost of living here. Coming from sunny Lion City, it’s a hefty amount.

I’m not sure the money really goes into what I want it to be spent on. What I do know is that the roads are congested and pot-holey, public transportation is in bad shape, and the public sector is on the slow lane on the country road.

Unfortunately, I also realise that unlike the other citizens here, in one way or another, I chose to come here. It’s like doing business with DBS, right. I should know what I’m getting into. I knew about the taxes, and the shape of the country. If I was unhappy about it, I should’ve stayed home.

I guess this is the cost of being happy. While money can’t buy happiness, you can certainly pay for being happy.

It’s been slightly over a week since we got here, but it’s been a little tough trying to feel settled down. We’re still living out of our suitcase (though last weekend I managed to empty mine and put what little clothes I brought into drawers). I’ve been hanging out at the redblossomtea retail outlet and having tea all day helps with the jet lag and general sluggishness that I usually succumb to.

But in general, getting set up in a new country is probably like trying to wash the dishes – for me at least. For me, a simple case of washing the dishes takes a phenomenal 45 minutes because usually:
1. I put the clothes to wash, so the washing machine is drawing all the water
2. There are already dishes in the sink
3. The dish rack is full
4. The cupboard is mess, cups are in spaces where the dishes should be, and bowls are hanging out with the cups.

On weekends, we take it a little easier – yes, it is possible – and we take a drive around the city snooping around residential estates to shortlist areas where we might want to live. On Sundays, real estate agents usually do an open house for properties they want to sell, so you can just park by the side, walk in, get a pamphlet, and run out. A bit like visiting model house showrooms back in Singapore. Last week we got lucky and just stumbled onto a couple. This week I did my research, and have a shortlist of the places I want to check out.

The weather, is the usual unpredictable San Francisco weather. It’s generally about 15°C or so, but in the city it’s sunny and where we’re staying it’s foggy and wet. So when I wake up I think it’s freezing and put on a wooley sweater, but by the time we get to the city I’m sweltering under the sweater.

I expect when I get used to it, it’ll be a different season

Then I woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep.

I’ve a headache.

All I can think of is breakfast, but I want some chye tow kway, black one. And preferably, the soggier, breakfast type with more egg. Not the crispy lunch/dinner type though if I could get that now I wouldn’t complain.

Head hurts!

It’s my last night at the apartment (for now), and I’m not really looking forward to moving out.

Ah well.

Thanks to everyone for the lunches, dinners, tea, desserts, everything! Thanks thanks thanks. Thanks for meeting me, thanks for hanging out, thanks!

Will be taking a short break while we physically relocate, but we should be back online in no time. Catch you guys soon.