I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing.

Today, let’s review the difference between a privilege and a right. In short, a privilege is an advantage or source of pleasure granted to a person. Whereas a right would be a just claim or title, whether legal, prescriptive, or moral.

Here is the difference. A privilege is granted. Therefore, when you do not possess the pleasure of which you are requesting, it is a privilege. Consequently, whether you receive that requested pleasure or not, is completely out of your hands. On the flip side, the person from which that pleasure is requested has every right to grant it or not. Since he he possesses the pleasure giving gift, it would seem.

Get it? When you want something, it’s a privilege you’re seeking. When you have something, it’s a right. If you want ice cream, and Mommy has to buy it for you, then having ice cream for you is a privilege. And if Mommy says you can’t have it before dinner, that’s that. Because you don’t have ice cream to begin with. Mommy does. However, since Mommy bought ice cream she can have it anytime she wants. It’s her right, since the ice cream is her property.

Now that the groundwork is laid out nicely, I’ll come out and say it. It is a fool’s prerogative to utter truths that no one else will speak.

In general, I don’t care whether it’s your wedding anniversary or your kid’s birthday. I don’t particularly care what your kid said to his mommy, I don’t care if you had clowns at your wedding. And I sure as hell don’t really care about the dry ice, designer gown, “From This Moment” music, your rings, your vows, your journey… you get the picture. Who would? It’s really got nothing to do with me.

“Ah”, you say, “You selfish, self-important, ego maniacal, self-serving, social-norm bucking, feelingless bitch”.

At your service.

See, this is where comprehending the difference between a privilege and a right would come in handy. Since, by reasonable deduction, sticking stuff on Facebook means you’re searching for some sort of affirmation under the guise of sharing, it means you want something from me.

I sure as hell understand that, I do it too. I assault you with my half-assed, 2 gazillion shots of the same thing photos. The only reason why I put up statuses is to show you I’ve done something, or that I want you to think I’m smart. Because I am looking for some sort of affirmation. Try as I may to self soothe, I do realise that life does not exist in a vacuum. So I try to keep it to me. Since I’m the one who implicitly has the relationship with someone on Facebook, not my kid (it helps I don’t have any), not my significant other (he can speak for himself). Yes. I am that self-serving, self-important, person.

So I suppose here is the quandary. I can always NOT have those friends on Facebook. But friendships being the way they are, sometimes it is hard to draw the line without looking even more as a misanthrope.

I can always hide those updates. Yes, I do engage in active status message housekeeping. My list is shrinking! HHAAH.

I know I’m asking for something too. I’m asking for a modicum of self-awareness. I’m asking for my acquaintances to consider my feelings before assaulting me with their rather pedestrian obsessions. That being the case, I can no more expect change than they can expect me to respond. They probably don’t even want a response from me. True. The complications of obligation.

That isn’t to say, I’m not interested in everyone’s updates. There are people I care about, whose kids, happiness, general well-being and progress I care about. These are people I probably would solicit updates from, in addition to hearing about it on Facebook. I’d hate to have to find out from a Facebook status update that someone I consider a friend in the true sense of the word just had a kid. But I suppose, it’s a privilege. Not a right.

I’m not anti-kid and anti-wedding. Well, who cares if I were. But it’s not like I’m going to scowl at you if you had a wedding and invited me to it. Heaven knows I’ve been to one too many, but I understand the moral ramifications and I toe the party line. I understand that most people like having their friends about when they celebrate something, so I show up, generally happy to be considered a friend. I am happy for their union. And I usually tell them so.

But seriously, unless I aided and abetted your union, I’m not the least bit interested in your anniversary, or in reliving your wedding a year on. Why would I? Let’s not even get into the issues involved with putting up wedding photos and videos and all.

You know. Maybe in 20 years. Let’s talk about being married for 20 years. Other than that, everyone else has more pressing matters to attend to. Like relieving their bladder. Or clipping their nails. Or whinging about the emotionally needy. You know? Real issues!

On a side note, I just caught all three episodes (so far) of The Marriage Ref. It’s a cute premise, but I’m not so sure the format really works. It really only works if the guests are funny, but that’s not to say that three funny guests would make a good show. I like the episode with Larry David, Madonna and Ricky Gervais, but only because of the dynamics between those three. And I like that Larry David is funny to watch. And he can make Ricky Gervais cringe. That’s beautiful irony.

The episode with Tina Fey, Jerry Seinfeld and Eva Longoria-Parker was meh.